Next to the Sistine Chapel and Lucy Pinder, a full slab of pork belly might be the most beautiful thing on God's green earth.
But a man cannot just chow down on belly alone. He requires the alchemy of salt and sugar turn that slab of fat-streaked meat into the ambrosia we call bacon.
And with the stupid-simple set of ingredients included with the Baconkit, you can make the best bacon ever.
We know what you're thinking, and you're thinking, this is too hard. But DIY charcuterie isn't some impossible IKEA effort. In fact, medieval dullards were making bacon long before you were hunting-and-gathering power outlets and SmartWater.
We promise. It's totes easy.
The kit comes with enough premixed cure and maple sugar for five pounds of belly. An included curing bag keeps the cure on top of the meat, and a thermometer helps you keep your meat at optimal makin'-bacon temperature.
And after a week or so, you'll be able to say goodbye to watery, sputtering, paper-thin slices of brine-injected "bacon," and hello to inch-thick slabs of meaty magic.
Sorry, Lucy — you got nothing on that.