You're all geared up for your Game of Thrones season three premiere party this Sunday, when suddenly you realize you're fresh out of auroch.
Well, seven hells.
But luckily the fan-compiled official Game of Thrones coobook, A Feast of Ice and Fire, has you covered with substitutions for prehistoric cattle meat.
It also gives you instructions on concocting your own Westerosian version of Emeril's Bam spice mix called Poudre Forte, a mix of cinnamon, ginger, and nutmeg that'll put even more hair on a Stark's chest.
The rest of the recipes are organized according to their origins in the Seven Kingdoms and over the Narrow Sea. Feast quotes both the original Game of Thrones novels and classical medieval cookbooks, giving you the gameplan for an authentic but feasible feast.
Serve your couchmates beef and bacon pie from the North, quails drowned in butter from King's Landing, and lemony duck from Dorne. Oh, and a pro tip: When you're making the iced milk and honey for dessert, don't pull a Lysa Tully in the dairy department.
And you're on your own come time for Dothraki horse heart.
A Feast of Ice and Fire: The Official Game of Thrones Companion Cookbook
by Chelsea Monroe-Cassel and Sariann Lehrer
Price: $16 Kindle version, $20 hardcover here