You might remember April Fools' a few years ago, when the best joke of the day was that men could look forward to a new line of baconized personal lubricants.

Guess what? America didn’t think that was funny. They really wanted the product to exist.

And now it does — right in time for Valentine’s Day, no less.

A totally vegan, water-based lubricant, Baconlube contains no trace of pork at all. That distinctive smoked meat smell and tingly flavor? It comes from a custom chemical cocktail.

We couldn’t find any prospective sexual partners willing to let the Baconlube into their secret garden — not even on Craigslist — so instead we got a massage from a classy spa using the pork-scented product as rubdown oil.

At the end of the session, we felt relaxed and happy, but we also kind of smelled like the grill at a roadside diner.

Naturally, we left a big tip.