Wednesday, January 28, 2015


Perhaps the least kosher meal in history

Get up close and personal with your pork via Pick-A-Pig, the first custom-order butcher taking local sourcing to the next level.

You choose your piglet at birth, then raise it to your exact specifications. When the little oinker’s all grown up, they’ll send the meat your way, just the way you like it.

Picking your pig couldn't be simpler.

First, select a baby piglet from the adorable snapshots in a digital "Snoutbook," refreshed daily from local farmers’ litters.

After you name your pig — we chose Wilbur (we were in a mood) — you'll dictate exactly how the piggie will spend its days, from what goes in its trough to how many dips in the mud are allowed weekly.

Try not to drool as you watch your porker grow succulent on a live webcam.

When the little guy reaches his target weight, it's execution time. Choose from a variety of methods, like electric stun or bolt gun.

We became so attached to Wilbur we paid extra for a blast of carbon dioxide. (Don't be surprised if you, too, get emotional before throat slitting time.)

Two days later, the full pig is at your door, cut into hams, shoulders, bacon sides, pork belly — you name it.

Which, of course, you did.


Price: Starting at $200 per pig. Adjustments by weight, food and care specifications, and slaughter technique.
Noise: We assume a lot of squealing, oinking, etc.
It's April Fools' Day: Yes, this article is a (sick) joke.

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