Did you hear the one about the Summer Olympics?
How the Olympic Village was really just a sex-crazed, raucous swingers party?
Yeah, it has us looking ahead to Sochi, too. Because while everyone loves a good ski run and hot toddies, it'll be the world-class hot bodies you'll remember in four years when the next Olympics come around.
And here's where those memories will be born: the Grand Hotel Rodina.
The Rodina is a maxed-out mega resort that’s been around long enough to have hosted the first Russian cosmonaut and Stalin-era elite, now hosting Putin-era elite.
This Russian Riviera hideout (which happens to be next door to Vlad’s summer house) gives its exclusive guests golf carts for transport from pimped-out suites to the massive indoor pool (and to a private beach in the summer).
Your quarters come complete with hydro-massage rain showers, in-room fireplaces and Bang & Olufsen audio systems. Your floors are marble, your table is covered in crocodile leather and you’ve got a separate visitor’s bathroom for guests.
There’s a day restaurant, a night restaurant, a rooftop restaurant, a bar, and a cigar room that’s in a 50-year-old bomb shelter.
A perfect place to invite Lindsey Vonn to show off her gold medals. (Sorry, Tiger.)