Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Love Sucks

Four fine alternatives to Valentine's Day smoochery

Full_antivalentines

For some of us, Valentine's Day means roses, expensive dinners, and gymnastics beneath a set of satin sheets.

For the rest of us, it's 24 hours of crushing singledom. 
 
You have two options: Suck it up, put on a happy face, and head out to the haunts of the city's pretty people, hoping to snare a better catch than the last one. Or, you could exercise your God-given right as a New Yorker and simply simmer in your anti-love bile.
 
For those of you inclined toward the latter, here are four ways to do exactly that.
 
LISTEN AND WEEP
What better way to celebrate heartache than by dressing up as Axl Rose and getting crying-drunk with fellow lonelyhearts? Union Hall brings back its ultimate rip-your-heart-out party, Love Bites: The Power Ballads Sing-Along, with free candy and an air guitar competition.
Tonight 10p. Union Hall, 702 Union St. (5th Ave.), Park Slope. $8 here.
 
EAT YOUR FEELINGS
Head to Ciao for Now's Anti-Valentine's Day Dinner, where grumpy singles will down Raging Bitch beers, coq au vin, and "hot mess" fettuccine. Bonus: Bring a picture of your ex for the communal dartboard and you get a free cookie.
Tonight. 523 E. 12th St. (Ave. A), East Village. $41 prix fixe.
 
GET WEIRD
Meet that perfect, scary goth girl at the Endless Night: Vampire Ball of New York, where black is the color of choice — no streetwear allowed — and absinthe the drink of the night. There will burlesque-esque escapades, as well as a "vampiric ritual." Couples might be present, but love is pretty low on the agenda here.
Sun 9p. The DL, 95 Delancey St. (Ludlow St.), Lower East Side. $16.66 (of course) here.
 
SWEAT IT OUT
Release your frustration this weekend by taking a nude coed yoga class — yes coed — at Bold & Naked, where both sexes come together to strip down and twist their bodies into strange, supposedly relaxing poses. You don't even have to buy drinks beforehand.
163 W. 23rd St. (7th Ave.), Chelsea. $25 per class.

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