You don’t need a well vodka open bar with top-40 hits blasted into your ear canal.
You don’t need Santa hats and small talk. You don’t need some schmendrick spilling bubbly on your shoes at an overstuffed bar.
Between now and New Year’s Day, you’ve got plenty of options for the same-old stuff. Here are five ridiculous (and intimate) events that will end your year on a refreshingly new note.
By December 23, nothing's funny anymore. Your Christmas shopping isn't done, that intern you hooked up with at your office Christmas party keeps texting you, and you just want a break. Well, here it is: three top comics. Less than ten bucks. And at long last, an answer to where the hell Janeane Garofalo went all these years.
Mon Dec 23 8p. Littlefield, 622 Degraw St. (3rd Ave.), Gowanus. $5-8 here.
What's the point of living in New York if you can't visit a cocktail-fueled transgender cabaret Christmas party from time to time? Mx. Bond is an ace storyteller, an underrated singer, and a friend to some unforgettable personalities. See who shows up with a lump of coal to pick.
Mon-Tue Dec 23-24 9:30p. Joe’s Pub, 425 Lafayette St. (St. Marks Pl.), Nolita. $25 here.
Most of us love a super-club's sound system. It's the rest of the super-club that's the problem. Bunker Limited fixes that by installing heavenly speakers in a very small space and cutting off the guest list at 150. You'll actually remember this one come January 1.
Tue Dec 31 10p. Trans Pecos, 915 Wyckoff Ave. (Hancock St.), Ridgewood. $30 here.
Theater company Ars Nova isn’t just pulling out the stops for a Studio 54-themed party for no reason — it also raises funds each year with its New Years bashes. Pony up the extra $150 for VIP access to the den and a top-shelf open bar that lasts all night. Alas, it’s still BYO ‘ludes.
Tue Dec 31 9p. Ars Nova, 511 W. 54th St. (11th Ave), Midtown. $150-300 here.
If all you want out of New Year's is some amazing dancing, then ring in 2014 at Coco66. A suitcase full of superb soul 45s provides the night's music, the drinks are strong, and people out here know how to get down.
Tue Dec 31 8p. Coco 66, 66 Greenpoint Ave. (Provost St.), Greenpoint. $15-20 here.