This Halloween, expect a lot of Miley in frontal thong.
Meaning you have one primary goal: find a life-size AriZona iced tea can costume.
As for secondary goals, repeat these spooky-season mantras after us:
I will not attend a subpar costume party.
I will refuse to dress up as the Big Three with two buddies as a last-minute copout.
I will read the following list of offbeat Halloween happenings to get in the spirit.
Walking Dead: Zombie Walk
Miami might be the scene of the face eater, but the zombie-apocalypse has spread North. Party with food trucks, booze, and live rock before getting a zombie makeover and joining thousands of the undead stumbling down Himmarshee Street.
Fri Oct 18 6p-4a. Revolution Live, 100 SW Third Ave., Fort Lauderdale (954-449-1025). $10 here.
Ghostly Sights: Cemetery Night Walk
Join History Miami on a spooky night walk-through of the city's oldest cemetery. Armed with a flashlight, take a tour of the final resting place to Julia Tuttle, Confederate soldiers, and a guy who poured concrete over his wife's dead body to make a mold of her.
Fri Oct 25 8-10p. City Cemetery, 1800 NE Second Ave., Miami, (305-375-1621). $25-30 here.
The Haunting: Spookover Ghost Tour
Become a ghost hunter for a night with the League of Paranormal Investigators at the historical Deering Estate. Explore this historic burial ground property with the pros, armed with pendulums, dowsing rods, EMF meters, voice recorders, and cameras.
Fri Nov 1 11p-4a. Deering Estate at Cutler, 16701 SW 72nd Ave., Miami (305-235-1668). $65 here.