To find an epic time this Saturday afternoon, you need only follow the extremely loud slurping sounds.
Get your mind out of the gutter. We're talking Grapevine Bar, where Suckfest 2013 will be well underway.
There, you'll join hundreds of revelers slamming down free crawfish, burgers, sausage, and hot dogs. Plus, they'll be offering super-cheap happy hour drink prices until 7p, which includes their dangerously famous Tangaritas.
This year, however, they'll be peddling jello shots with a decidely better side effect than just a killer buzz. That's because 100% of proceeds from jello shot sales benefit the victims of the West, TX explosion and the Boston Marathon bombings. So prepare to knock back several for a good cause.
Between all those crawfish and jello shots, the chant of the day will most definitely be, "Suck! Suck! Suck!"
Ah, the battle cry of many a shamed Congressman.
Suckfest 2013 at the Grapevine
Saturday, May 4
3902 Maple Ave, Oak Lawn
Cost: Free to enter
Happy Hour: 3-7p
Nearby: Ojeda's; Round-Up Saloon; Green Papaya