Your suspicions of Mother Russia kept you from going to Sochi, which smartly saved you a bath in dangerous face water.
Now take a bath in the real reward: a one-night patriotic party going down at Logan Square Auditorium, where the Stars & Stripes represent in GAMES: The Loft Party.
The festivities kick off with the “lighting” of the torch (with the help of 1,000 lights) to mark the Opening Ceremonies, soundtracked by top-tier local DJ Matt Roan (Studio Paris, Beauty Bar) and up-and-coming house enthusiasts Autograf.
The games include a sports-judged photobooth, where “Best Winter Olympics Pose” is determined (corruptly, like the IOC) with your friends acting as judges.
You can also wander an Olympic village complete with a giant interactive paint mural, with instructors/coaches on hand from Bottle & Bottega.
As for the surprise closing ceremonies? All we can say is have those flash bulbs ready.