The eternal debate: Hair Willis vs. Bald Willis.
Who's the better hero? The bigger badass?
Is it the thinner, bad-luck cop with power alleys and more wit than bullets, or the swollen, unretirable bald dome of anger?
It's an important question, pitting the 80s and 90s against the 2000s. Trusty revolvers against fully automatic, laser-sighted rifles. This guy against this guy.
The Brattle Theatre has a thought on the matter. For five days next week, they're placing themselves firmly in the pro-hair camp, playing the original Die-Hard each night from Christmas through Monday, December 30. That's a Christmas miracle — maybe the best action movie ever made, night after glorious night.
Need a reason to sell it to the lady? Remind her that in between the shoot-outs and one-liners, John McClane does loads of awesome Christmas things like bump Run-DMC's classic "Christmas in Hollis" with a limo driver named Argyle, slap a Santa hat on a bloody terrorist corpse, and team up with Carl Winslow of Family Matters (that last one doesn't have anything to do with Christmas, but it is awesome).
You've got nearly a week to plan your attack, so find your way to the nearest outbound air duct and start crawling.
That can't be worse than more in-laws time.