You quote Dude-isms. You sing like the sirens in O Brother, Where Art Thou. You nail the Fargo accent.
But no matter how hard you wish, Joel and Ethan Coen still won't take you on as a third brother.
The next best thing is watch 15 films from the Coen canon at the Brattle Theatre during The Complete Coen Brothers, a two-week film retrospective kicking off Monday.
As you immerse yourself in the Coen-verse, you'll quickly realize maybe you don't want to be their third bro after all. Leading men in their films harmonize country music (George Clooney in O Brother, Where Art Thou), rob senior citizens (Tom Hanks in The Ladykillers) and often just play dumb (Brad Pitt in Burn After Reading).
The week ramps up slowly, starting with single features and then pushing into two-a-days. By the end of it, you'll have seen the wonders of wood chipping in Fargo and brushed up on any forgotten Dudeisms from The Big Lebowski.
Next up for the bros: a Jolie-directed flick and, ahem, a TV movie.